I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
