Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
not ubering you a puppy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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