I want to make a zoo with you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
