please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
