i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
try to milk me bitch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
