If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I intend to get homeless drunk
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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