after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
