she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
