yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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