Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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