It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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