I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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