is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize