If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
