My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
