please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
