I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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