you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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