Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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