TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
