Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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