I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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