yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
