You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
