my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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