Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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