I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cockslap morals
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
