i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
