Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You pole danced in your parka.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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