Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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