If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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