We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
