You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
