i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize