I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
