I'm really into asian looking animals
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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