Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
