Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
