last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
