The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
