He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
