i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
