Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
