omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
