I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
