watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
