What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
