I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
