I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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