My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
