oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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