Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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