He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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