I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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