My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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