I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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