I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
