The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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