After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
