I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
