Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
