you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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