So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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