i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
