I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize