The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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