This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
