We're like a lot better than the average bears
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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