Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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