You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
