i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
