i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
