A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
