The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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