New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
