I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want to be your penis for a week.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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