You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
