Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
