My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
