the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They took my balls.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
