I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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