My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
