Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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