I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
