Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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