so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
