how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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