I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
