I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
