I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize