Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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