Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
