Me. At least after what I've been through.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
