I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
