she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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