This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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