her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
